Roadkill
by X-Hayze-chan-X
Summary: In which America fears the wrath of Russia for accidentally running over a rare Russian wild boar. Based on a true event.


**A/N: Bwahahaha!!! I have wormed my way into another fandom! **

**Okay, so I was on deviantArt, and someone reccommended I watch or read this. So I'm all, "Okay." And I did. And boy, it's amazing! **

**Anywhoo, I do already have an OTP (Germany / N. Italy), and actually a few others... But that's beside the point. **

**So, the story behind this... I was surfing YouTube and saw this video. "Rare Russian Wild Boar Killed On Highway". I looked at it, and a rare Russian boar had somehow made its way to Lancaster, Massachusetts, where it was hit on Route 2. So I got a Hetalia plot bunny, and this was it. Basically, America accidentally killed a rare Russian boar and fears the wrath of Russia. But it's funny, so don't worry. **

**Disclaimer: As always, my ownership is none. Sadly. But if I owned this, I would so send Ludwig and Feliciano on a romantic getaway... **

**Warnings: Hints of slash (or yaoi, or whatever you wanna call it) and use of human names. **

**Another thing: If it's regular text, it's part of the story. If it's italicized, it's a character's thoughts or emphasis. Bold is Author's Notes. Bold and italicized is Alfred interjecting because I somehow insulted him. *teehee***

**

* * *

**

"Shit!" Alfred cursed quietly and frantically, "Shitshitshitshitshit!"

It had been a pleasant morning. He had gotten up, got showered and dressed, had a breakfast burger (the cheese was breakfast-y, right?), and went out for a drive.

That's where his problem came from.

As he went through Massachusetts, he thought he ran over something. Presuming it to be a speed bump, he drove ahead.

When he got home, he decided to watch a little TV.

"Well, it sounds like a ghost story," the male newscaster commented. "A Russian wild boar running through the woods of Massachusetts."

He froze. Russian wild boar?

"But," the female newscaster added, "this tale is actually _true_, proven by an unfortunate collision along Route 2 in Lancaster. Jim Boyd reports new at six."

Now Alfred was panicking. He ran over the 'speed bump' on route 2 in Lancaster!

He turned off the TV and ran to his room. Either he could barricade himself in or run...

_No! That's not what heroes do!_ he thought to himself.

And then he thought of an angry Ivan and panicked. _**Not panicked!**_ Fine... he freaked out._ **Grr...** _

So, he sat there, pondering whether to be _'heroic'_ and take Ivan on, or _smart_ and save his own skin. **_Hey!_** Well, it's true! **_Again, grr. _**

Anyways, as he was pondering, Alfred heard a knock on the door. And, though he's too stubborn to admit it, he jumped about ten feet in the air.

He nearly went into cardiac arrest when he heard the person on the other side of the door speak.

"Comrade!" _Shit, it's Ivan!_ he thought. "Comrade, open up. You and I need to have a little talk, da?"

_"GAH!" _America yelled.

Ivan opened the door. "Is something wrong?" he asked. "I heard yelling."

"N-n-n-n-n-" Alfred stuttered, trying to tell him everything was fine. Maybe he could say he was going to visit Italy for vacation...? No, the pasta-loving country would no doubt be with his boyfriend Germany. Alfred still never understood how someone so carefree and happy as Feliciano could end up with someone so strict and disciplined as Ludwig. How did they put up with each other?

"What are you watching?" Ivan asked, turning to the news. Alfred jumped in front of the TV, practically throwing himself against it.

"NOTHING!" he yelled, trying to sound calm.

Ivan felt slightly worried at America's behaviour. He moved America off of the TV and rewinded the program. **_When did I TiVo it?_** You didn't. I did. **_... I hate you. _**

When Ivan saw the newscast, he laughed. _So this is what Alfred was all worked up about! He thought I would be upset with him!_

"I think you had better watch the _rest_ of this broadcast, Comrade," he chuckled.

Puzzled, Alfred watched the rest of the newscast. Apparently the boar was found in the woods, and someone called to have roadkill picked up. The roadkill management guy, presuming it to just be a pig from a farm, went along to pick it up. When he got there, there was, in fact, a rare Russian wild boar. He was shocked. Apparently it was in so much pain it had to be euthanized.

"Why are you laughing?" Alfred demanded, now getting his voice back. "That's terrible!"

"If you would listen to this man," Ivan said, "You would know that wild boar is considered a delicacy in many places. That was to be our dinner tonight!"

"**What?" **Alfred stammered.

Russia grinned. "I came over here to invite you to dinner. Now I find you already did the slaughtering for me!"

"Why?"

"Wow, to be so worked up as to forget your own birthday!" Ivan chortled.

America started laughing too.

"Well, let's go pick up that boar before roadkill man eats it," Ivan said, walking out the door.

Of course, Ivan would never tell the younger country exactly _how_ a rare Russian wild boar got into his backyard.

**_Fin._**

**A/N: Yeah... not exactly how it happened... I'm pretty sure the rare Russian wild boar wasn't even from Russia... But for all intents and purposes, it works for me. **

**Please review, for every review I get there will be more "interactions" between Italy and Germany. SO DO IT! **


End file.
